No need for a plumber, though

‘Urine is pouring through my ceiling’: Labour MP Ben Bradshaw tweets horror at state of Parliament’s crumbling plumbing The place is filled with people very skilled at extracting it.

Ssshhh

Union J singer JJ Hamblett is ‘quietly dating X Factor backing dancer’ Via the front page of the Mail Online, so very ‘quiet’.

How mean, she was only moonlighting

Serving MP Nadine Dorries was suspended by the Conservatives for taking a month away from Westminster so she could take part (and earn around £40,000) in the reality show ‘I’m a Celebrity…Get me out of here’. She only lasted 12 days, though. Probably didn’t get her kit off quick enough.

Let them drink plonk!

Cameron rounds on EU leaders who quaffed £120 bottles of wine over lunch while insisting there was no room to make savings in the Brussels budget After all, they do say, ‘you are what you drink’.

Dead Scientists Society

But after dying earlier this year, researchers believe they may be able to resurrect George’s Pinta Island subspecies.