Not quite what they meant

Convicted sex attacker freed to attack brothers aged 7 and 4 in McDonald’s toilet is jailed Not sure he was expressly freed in order to carry out an attack. He should be (and already should have been) locked away forever.

I hereby declare this repainted door ‘open’

With seemingly every new park bench being officially inaugurated by a gaggle of high-level dignitaries in just about every municipality, one can only assume that either such events qualify for an attendance allowance or there is an election looming. Or both.

Filling in the blanks

As it seems to be happening with alarming regularity at the moment, headlines such as Murray suffers shock Miami defeat are not really a ‘shock’ any more. Easy for the writers, though: ‘Murray suffers shock (fill in the blank) defeat’ means they only have to type one or two words.

Not much you can say really

Obama on sightseeing tour of Brazil’s City of God slum while bombs and cruise missiles pound Libya

An omen?

The digital clock in central London which has been counting down to the 2012 Olympics has stopped, less than 24 hours after it started counting down.