Interesting headline

John Terry ‘will miss FA Cup game to see wife in Dubai’ Doesn’t say whose wife though!!

Meanies

Libya overturns Swiss man’s jail He should have built a stronger one.

May the force be with you

Andy Murray banks on yoga and Simon Fuller Yoda might have been a better option.

No chance

Taliban leaders in secret UN disarmament talks Why would the UN even consider giving up their weapons?

There is a choice

Offering voters a choice between Conservative and Labour is a bit like offering the condemned man a choice between being hanged or shot.

Well done!

It took over 300 years for the UK to accumulate £380 billion worth of public debt. It has taken the current Labour government just 12 years to bring it up to £850 billion.

Stop press!

Gary Lineker and his wife Danielle wear matching leather jackets for a night out with her daughter (also in a leather jacket) Riveting. What a scoop. Mindbogglingly underwhelming.