Terrorist suspects under control orders given more than £600,000 for items including household bills and telephone costs. Sure they’re not mixing them up with MP’s?

There are concerns that some people spend up to five days a YEAR on their Facebook accounts. Hardly surprising when the alternative is a new series of ‘I’m all Boobs and Botox…get me out of here’.

Geena Davis the devoted mother-of-three takes her children to the park Awestruck, probably never recover.

“UK ‘not convinced’ by Afghan goal” What? When? Which channel? Didn’t even know we were playing them! Must be an unfriendly.

“Swiss Muslims open mosque doors”

“Judge may grill rebel MPs who defy Legg on expenses”

Fills one full of confidence when scientists say the £4.4 billion ‘God Machine’ is ‘unlikely‘ to destroy the planet! Even more so when it then gets knackered by a bird dropping a butty!

“Women MPs can’t pay for cleaners without expenses” This is the view of Work and Pensions Minister Helen Goodman (who earns £96,000 a year) and who claims the expenses clampdown is sexist. 1. Normal people, working far more hours for far less, can manage it. Or have to. 2. Isn’t your very name ‘sexist’ Ms Goodman?

Why is it necessary to go through 11 costume changes at the MTV Europe MUSIC Awards? The music not good enough on its own?

“Coleen Rooney leaves hospital with baby Kai and proud Wayne less than 24 hours after giving birth” Which one was she thinking about leaving behind?