First real match of the new season and Alex Ferguson is already whinging about refereeing decisions. No change there then. Bodes well for the rest of the season!
Digits aloft
And now equally unelected Mandy is running the UK from a sunlounger in Corfu! Labour really are wafting two digits at the people now.
The way you read them
Tess lives in a truck with her son Toby and their dog Teabag and moves around the country in a set of books recommended by the Department for Children, Schools and Families. Surely a caravan or a camper would be much more comfy!
Whatever next?
One fragment of one bone from one human from 9,000 years ago contains cut marks and all the papers are on about ‘early Britons being cannibals’. And we can’t even decide what Armstrong said when he landed on the moon 40 years ago and he’s still around to ask!!
Be prepared
No doubt when Twitter comes back online it will be full of people complaining that Twitter was offline.
Monkey business
New strain of HIV from gorillas found in woman from Cameroon Not even going to think about that one!
Surely it couldn’t happen!
OMG, there’s talk of Mandy for leader of the Labour Party! How will the Tories respond (when they’ve finished laughing)? Ronnie Biggs??
Not to be sniffed at
Headline: Cocaine abuse soars to record levels as one million Britons snort the drug. Surely, if there had been a synchronised snortathon we would have heard about it on Twitter!
It’s how you read them
Headline: Fearne Cotton sent ‘death threats’ while on radio. Multitasking I suppose. Obviously didn’t want to remain anonymous if she sent them while ‘on air’.
Amazing technology
It’s the way you read them sometimes: Wheelchair steered using brain waves developed by Toyota Didn’t know anyone was developing brain waves, let alone a car manufacturer. Brain wave implants, the next designer accessory? A few WAGS are probably already lining up!