Where are they when you really need one? Probably in Boots the chemists, tackling hardened criminals such as 12 year old Hannah Gilbert. Finding herself with a day off school, she popped into Boots and was having a look at the nail stuff, as millions of people do. Unable to see anything labeled as a ‘tester’, she made the mistake …
Common sense, Part Two…
As always, eternally grateful to Ron for sharing his ‘bits’, the quirky and loony goings on back in the asylum. This time, though, one which made his blood boil. Not a pretty sight, I’d imagine. Jayne Jones has a fourteen year old son, Alex, who suffers from severe epilepsy and requires accompanying to school. He has specialist equipment in case …
Where has all the common sense gone?
‘Excuse me Chief Constable, reports just coming in of a spate of burglaries in Lucre Street, shall I mobilise all units?’ ‘Don’t be silly, laddie, I’ve got a far more important task for you. An old lady has just fallen down in the middle of Broad street, need you all to get down there right away’. ‘To administer first aid …
Baldrick strikes again…
Chichester Council, obviously operating some sort of braincell-sharing scheme, came up with a cunning plan to catch fly-tippers in the act. Choosing a local fly-tipping ‘hotspot’ as the scene for their coup, they carefully concealed a 10,000 pound state-of-the-art camera inside a rubbish bag. Cunning plan so far. However, workers sent to clear away the rubbish were not in the …
Back with a vengeance…
An apparent lull in Health and Safety Executive activity was obviously too good to be true and they seem to be back with a vengeance. Mayoral cars are instantly recognisable by their coat of arms, generally a tiddly little flag on the roof or on the front wing. Apart from anything else, it prevents, for example, official cars being mistakenly …
Positive thinking…
HH. ‘Good morning Ms Harperson,…..Harriet’. PM. ‘Good morning Prime Minister, or may I call you…’ PM. ‘Prime?’ HH. ‘I was thinking more along the lines of Gordon, actually.’ PM. ‘Oh…Not what most people call me these days, but why not. Quite novel. Anyway, I’ve called you in today for two reasons.’ HH. ‘And they are, Gordy?’ PM. ‘Firstly, to commend …
Not to be sniffed at…
Apparently, according to some reports, police sniffer dogs trained to spot terrorists at railway stations may no longer come into contact with Muslim passengers after complaints that it is against the suspects’ religion.
Did the earth move for you?
Apparently it has done in Cornwall, according to the Minister of State for Transport and Minister for Yorkshire and The Humber, Rosie Winterton. How it will affect the everyday lives of the residents Penwith and Kerrier has yet to be seen. For millenia, these poor people have been under the illusion that the were quite happily living on mainland England. …
The storm is over…
There will be no more brainstorming in Tunbridge Wells, that’s an order! The word brainstorming was first used psychiatrists in the 1890’s to describe severe nervous attacks. Since the 1940’s, however, it has been more commonly used to describe meetings to produce new, fresh ideas. So what’s wrong with that, one may ask?
Is lunacy contagious?…
The problem was first noticed in the Health and Safety Executive when a sudden, and rather virulent strain of lunacy, began to spread like wildfire throughout the organisation. Edicts such as ‘ballroom dancers must practice on carpets’, ‘goalposts should be removed from football fields’, the banning of pancake races and the introduction of obligatory body armour for games of conkers …