It would seem that the loonies are having a whale of a time at the moment and on all fronts. Litter, and rubbish collection in general, have been high on the agenda in recent weeks, what with people being prosecuted and fined for letting go of helium-filled balloons, dropping sausage roll crumbs and other serious crimes as councils adopt a …
Inside leg, disposable nappies and helium….
People always say, ‘there’s never a policeman around when you need one’, and it is invariably true. No shortage when you don’t want one. I suppose it’s quite understandable, after all they are rather preoccupied with tracking down the hardened criminals. Like Mark ‘Sundance’ Twizell, a 16 year old who was apprehended at a charity event in Newcastle.
A wee tale…
Meanwhile, north of the border in the sleepy little hamlet of Aberdeen, Rab McGrabitall has been summoned to the local Benefits Office. ‘Good morning Mr….McGrabitall isn’t it? ‘Yes. Good morning’ ‘My name is Richard Head, although most people seem to call me Dick. Anyway, I’ve asked you here just to check a few things on your latest application. Purely routine, …
Desperado apprehended in Swinton
No doubt there will be huge sighs of relief all round after news that master criminal Keith Hirst was detained in Swinton the other day. It took a PCSO and up to five uniformed policemen to carry out the arrest of this dangerous individual. After being fingerprinted and DNA tested, Don Keith was deposited in the police cells overnight in …
You’re nicked….
So, there I was enjoying a rather nice meal at this new, upmarket bistro just outside Sizewell, a much underestimated area but already with something a glowing reputation, when it all happened. In burst a S.W.A.T. team, armoured to the gills and carrying more hardware than Rambo. The ‘Maitre D’ fainted, one woman screamed and I just sat there wondering …